


Suicidal Headcase

by KageHinaTBH



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Death, Depression, F/M, Haahaha dont read this, I'm Sorry, Little plot, M/M, Observational fic, Sad, Sad Ending, Sadness, Small Plot, What Was I Thinking?, i cant write, i suck, kill me, please, this is really bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 03:42:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9366494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KageHinaTBH/pseuds/KageHinaTBH
Summary: "Maybe it only takes a normal guy to make you feel normal again, but something about him felt special. "





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [YourMonarch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourMonarch/gifts).



> Warning!!! This fic does not showcase much of the Komaeda x Hajime ship, but for certain purposes that was the relationship. If you're looking for something more KomaHina like, this is not the fic for you! It starts off observational, and turns into plot. It is very short plotted, and I am thinking of turning this into a chaptered work. This would be considered the prologue, but I'm not sure yet. I don't really know if I'm proud of this yet or not, but
> 
> enjoy!!~ 
> 
>  !!Big thanks to YourMonarch for motivating me to write something again!!

Behind the four walls of isolation, I live a decent life. Wall one of anxiety, wall two of depression. Wall three of insecurity, and wall four. Wall four is the hope that I can still live a normal life, forgetting who I really am. Who am I? I'm Nagito Komaeda. I'm not proud of that name, of course. I'm not proud of my title, "Ultimate Luck" either. The only attribute I can feel even a morsel of accomplishment with, is one that is gone. Gone a long time ago, the normality I once had. Trapped in these four walls and declared insane, of course there is no physically possible way I can still feel normal. Shoved aside by society, ignored by the ones I love. No one really seems to understand. 

I've been living this way most of my life. Yes, there was a point in this sad excuse for viability where I was normal. Occasionally, my walls would break. My love for others would come crashing through and I'd be at hope's peak (no pun intended huehuehue). I would feel safe and accepted.

Of course, the man who brought me the highest, was none other than.... Hajime Hinata. The only one who ever understood. Being so abnormal, and knowing I had virtually no chance, hurt me. But at the same time, I liked that. He happened to be the only one who didn't deem me a "suicidal headcase" or "absolute psycho". I was normal to him. Maybe it only takes a normal guy to make you feel normal again, but something about him felt special. Surrounded and pressured by so many talents, mocking him for not being like them. He was able to rise against that despair and figure out who he is. Who is he? My hero. My love. Even after being able to figure out who he is, and recognizing my love, I have not changed my mind. I am eternally grateful for him, but that does not yet change the fact my walls are stronger than him. He was the only person to challenge the walls and not break through. Like a Romeo and Juliet love story, he tried his best to save me. He wanted to unconditionally love me. And if only I knew that... 

I sat on the other side of my walls, pleading for the chance of salvation, until it was too late. At the moment the walls took him down instead of the contrary, I realized. The only thing stopping him from breaking my walls was me. I felt as if my mind was a whole new world. I ran desperately, hoping to escape the fear that was swallowing me. I had lost my chance. One by one, as he grew distant, held captive by my own mistakes, I was eaten away by monstrosities of guilt, fear, and loss. 

The savior of my dreams, now looking at me the same way the others would. The same way that gave off a different aura. Three months had went by, the visible deterioration of both my mental, and physical health, showing more and more every day. Habits were formed, shameful ones. The loss of morality and the replacement routines. Nothing made sense. The world didn't make sense. My world didn't, at the very least. 

I had never wanted it to be this way. I am no longer Nagito Komaeda. I am no longer the Ultimate Luck. After all, what kind of luck is this? The absolute disappointment I have become, does not deserve such a title. I have lost myself. My only friends left being insecurity and fear. Dare I even say friends. Not even as a pitiful joke should I pretend I have friends. That word... that phrase. Something that I was once so proud of achieving, now too incomprehensible to fathom. I am just a shameful being, with nothing to show besides scars and bones. My worth slowly withering away, I should not even be here. I do not deserve the chance to ever recover. A fragment of humanities past, slipping away like we all must. Some people leave behind more than others, but I will leave nothing. Not a morsel of my being is worth leaving behind. Not like there's much left anyway. It's all simple now. The difficult part is over. The emotions are gone. Feeling lost isn't so bad. 

I haven't smiled in awhile. Smiling was a sign of happiness that I did not deserve. As I look at my pitiful frame in the cloudy mirror, I can't help but smile. A smile of insanity and disgust. A smile of self hatred and absolute filth. That is all there is left of me. No genuine, happy smiles. Maybe I really am becoming a headcase. 

Headcase. Something I never could've imagined I would become. The names, taunting me, feeling so inaccurate and distant. Thrown at me, pushing me down further. But after almost two entire years of this feeling, is it really that far off? Doesn't everyone feel this way? I stare at my pale complexion in the mirror, my psychotic smile turning into an anger. A fire in the pit of my stomach, burning with rage. Why am I the only one? What did I do to deserve this? A wave of hatred, darker than before, rushed over myself. My mind is being destroyed, so why not turn that into physical destruction? My fist acts as if on its own, releasing the rage into the mirror. I swear I felt that smile tug at my lips. The piercing pain of sharp edges, digging and lifting my skin, tearing away whats left of my sanity. After thinking for so long, that love could tear down my walls, I was defeated. Astonished. At last, my walls have been demolished. But strangely enough... I wasn't happy. It wasn't love that brought down my walls. It was the overpowering feeling of insanity. That's how it all began. 

Finally comfortable in my own skin, I decided it was time. This world meant nothing to me. Destroy the world, or let the world destroy me? I was left with that decision. Feeling lucky, I chose a gamble of life or death. 

Loading five bullets into the gun, I couldn't contain the grin pulling at the edges of my shameful mouth. Five of six. A game of life or death. I hid the gun in my jacket, and began my way to the one and only Hope's Peak Academy. The perfect plan. 

Stopping right at the entrance gate, I carefully slid my phone from my other pocket, trembling with excitement. The psychotic mindset clouded my mind as I dialed many familiar numbers. All of the ones I had once considered friends. All of the ones put through just as much as me. My fingers hesitated above the number for my last call. I let out a slow breath and silently pleaded that my luck would prevail. ".... Hello?" The familiar voice sent tremors of memory through my frail body. "Hopes Peak. Now." I made his message shorter than the others. I could not manage hearing his voice any longer. As if he was trying to break through again, just by the familiar tone. I hung up immediately after speaking, and closed my eyes. 

~~~~~~~~ 

I sat in my room, staring at the mirror ahead of me. Have I really turned myself into my regrets? Who am I? I am certainly not the Hajime Hinata I used to be. I feel weak, lost, and its all because of him. I feel such a hatred, yet at the same time, a love. An infatuation that will not leave me. Nagito Komaeda. As if by coincidence, my phone rang beside me. I was snapped out of my thoughts. I let my eyes wander before my hands reached. My frown grew much deeper as i realized who it is. "Theres no going back now... " I whispered and reached for my phone, answering with a concerned hello. "Hopes Peak. Now." The call ended. What? I sat for another few minutes in confusion. My mind went blank and my vision seemed to fog. One by one my feet moved, almost robotically, towards the door. I couldn't tell how I felt, but a strong sense of dread was definitely present. My instincts seem to have been right, proven when I saw the familiar face, but nothing about his presence was familiar. 

~~~~~~~~ 

My eyes slowly opened, hearing approaching footsteps. Suprisingly, most of them came. I smiled a weak, fake smile at every single showup. I awaited the last arrival in peace. 

Standing before me was the figure of Hajime Hinata. My hero. The look of pure dread in the boys eyes only fueled my insanity. I gave him one last disgusting smile, and pulled the gun to my head. My eyes swirled as I announced: "This is it, ladies and gentlemen. An extremity of Russian roulette. Hopefully, the last time you'll ever have to see my pitiful figure." I watched as the eyes of many widened, yet none of them moved. Do they trust my luck? Or do they want to see my time come to an end? Whatever the answer was, I loaded the last of six bullets. This was no Russian roulette anymore. This was goodbye. I looked to the boy trembling and pulling at my feet. I had wanted to hear his goodbyes, his protests, but everything faded away. The noise was gone. Only faint white noise was to be heard. I smiled a genuine smile at my hero, a tear from my own eyes, falling onto his cheek. "Forget about me, love. I'm just a suicidal headcase." And with that, the definite chance of death hit me, and I collapsed onto the love of my life. Everything faded to black as I had finally realized... he had never given up on me.


End file.
